Work-Life Balance: Fallacy, Possibility, or Fantasy?

“The challenge of work-life balance is without question one of
the most significant struggles faced by modern man.”
~Stephen Covey

As I raise my daughters and see how they respond to all of the pressures of becoming women with all of the extra fun that goes along with it, it really makes me think about the demands of society and our demands on ourselves. I have fought the idea of work-life balance for years and considered it unachievable. I felt it was another ridiculous expectation that existed only in a fantasy world that added to the other ridiculous expectations that we put on ourselves in order to feel inadequate.

Today, I feel differently because I do believe that I have found true work-life balance for the first time in my forty-seven years. It is achievable, but not without:

• Gaining the right perspective
• Taking time for self-exploration
• Making some difficult decisions (for the impact to others)
• Giving yourself a little grace
• Deciding that you DESERVE it
• Chasing your dreams, by goal setting and taking action!

The answer is not the same for everyone, and it will certainly shift as we evolve in our needs and that of those around us. The below quote was given by my mentor at a time where I was reconsidering my priorities and it really helped me give myself a little grace for wanting to make a change. I hope it helps you, if you are going through something similar.

“It is okay to step back from time to time in your career based upon your needs or that of your family. You have a long career, and you can always advance when the time is right. I was transparent with my future management, and they appreciated my honesty and establishment of priorities.” ~Heidi Gearhart, Executive Director

If you are on an uphill battle in your career or personal life, then you should read the below carefully and consider taking some time for self-exploration in order to determine if you are on the right path or if you should shift it. There are also many activities for self-exploration and goal setting in my book Whiteboards and Whatever or in my blogs on my website KimberlyKelsoe.com.

Sometimes, we do not want to make the hard decisions or disrupt our lives, but that will only cause more problems over the long-term and keep you from fulfilling your dreams, even currently unimaginable to you. If nothing else, take some time for self-exploration, and if you decide not to make any changes, then accept the decision and move on. This will help you have a better work-life balance, and you should have peace knowing that you are choosing this, not living according to what is handed to you. Just know there is so much more for you when you are ready for it!

It is important to remember that we only get one life on this earth, and it flies by with the birthdays that we enjoy. You are on this earth to live the life that you decide on and run your own race so that you can leave your legacy for future generations. Ask yourself if you are living on purpose or just surviving. Is that what you want, or are you doing it because you aren’t thinking for yourself? You deserve more, and it is important to live by example so others can see that they deserve more, too.

 

4 Tips to Achieving Work-Life Balance

1. Follow your energy, which means that you will be living on purpose and following your passions.

• There is nothing in the world like living on purpose according to your passions.
• The energy you get is boundless, which is key to knowing you are on the right track.
• If you are living on purpose, the world will shift to meet your needs for balance or will give you nudges to make changes or take time for yourself to self-explore and rest.
• If you are not getting energy from your experiences at work or at home and are feeling drained, reconsider your path.

2. Decide that you DESERVE to have a life of your own and be happy.

• • So many of us completely let go of our personality or what makes us ______________ (insert your name here) when we have kids or enter into a romantic relationship (sometimes even with friendships). BEWARE of not being you!
  • You may need to make some hard decisions or deliver strong messages of boundaries, and it may take time for your friends and family to adjust. I suggest communicating the changes you plan to make, so that drama does not ensue.
  • When my daughter asks me to do things for her when I am writing, I sometimes have to tell her that I need to take some time for things that are important to me and I deserve it. I tell her I have a right to have some me-time. This is not meant to be ugly, but sometimes you have to set boundaries and also show self-respect. I make sure she gets plenty of my time, but sometimes have to specify when that time is given.
    • You may be uncomfortable telling people you cannot do something for them in order to fill your own needs, but it teaches them to protect themselves, too. So, it is a good lesson for all. We deserve to be ourselves and not just a servant to others whose own needs blend into the walls. Be YOU, not selfish. We all deserve to enjoy our moments.

3. Prioritize positive relationships, both at work and at home.

• • “Work-life balance was a mistake from the start. Because we don’t really want balance. We want satisfaction.” ~Matthew Kelly
  • The more supportive relationships we have at work and at home, the better our experiences will feel and the easier it will be to cope when times are tough.
  • Help helps: It is great to have resources to call upon when things get busy at work and you need help picking up the kids or when you need someone to cover for you at work so you can attend another function for home.
  • If you can find a friend who will encourage you to take time for yourself and treat yourself, then that is a bonus!
  • Any relationships with people that make you laugh are priceless on the tough days!

4. Focus on your loved ones, but not holistically, or you will have regrets.

• • This is where balance comes in…
  • You must take care of your needs, and not let the demands of the day keep you from enjoying the moments with your loved ones.
    • Remember the airplane instructions with the air mask – you must first put on your air mask and then help others.
      • Without securing yourself, you cannot be support for others.
  • Live by example, so that you can impact those you love to do the same.
  • Time is fleeting so remember this as you interact with them.
  • Do you look your loved ones in the eyes and share how you feel with them regularly? If not, reconsider it as a priority.
  • Do you periodically send random texts or leave notes to show you are thinking of others and tell them what they mean to you? If not, consider what it would mean for your relationships.
  • If you contribute to others proactively, sometimes that will mean you get a pass when you cannot. For instance, I work a lot, so I always proactively participate in everything I can for my daughter Natalie, knowing I may not be there for some of the big events in the future. In the end, it is always noticed how much I do, rather than what I do not do. There will always be naysayers, but I feel confident in my participation and stay in good communication with Natalie about protecting my job and work ethic.

• Additional Quotes – different perspectives:

  “There’s no work-life balance without making decisions and without courage.” ~Michael Hyatt

  “There’s no such thing as work-life balance. There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.” ~Jack Welch

  “There is no such thing as work-life balance. There is work, there is life, and there is no balance.” ~Sheryl Sandberg

  “Surround yourself with people who are encouragers and mentors, who understand your dreams, and will help you accomplish them.” – The Magnetic Advantage

• Additional Resources

  • From an employment and generational perspective: The Evolving Definition Of Work-Life Balance, Forbes
  • 5 Tips for Improving Life Balance by Pascha Kelley